Becoming Whole: The Journey to Emotional
Maturity
Part 3: God's Goal Is Wholeness
"God
is more interested in who we are becoming than merely what we are doing."
In
the previous article, we discovered that emotional maturity is not emotional
suppression. It is wholeness; the process of allowing God to bring our
thoughts, emotions, values, and actions into harmony under the truth of God’s Word.
But this raises an important question.
Why
is God so interested in making us whole?
Is
His goal simply that we become better husbands, better wives, or better people?
The
answer is much greater than that.
God's
goal is to make us more like Christ.
Everything
else, including healthy marriages, is the fruit of that transformation.
Zacchaeus:
When Transformation Changes Behaviour
The
story of Zacchaeus illustrates this beautifully.
Zacchaeus
was a wealthy tax collector. His life had been built around dishonesty and
personal gain. When Jesus came to Jericho, Zacchaeus climbed a sycamore tree
just to catch a glimpse of Him. Jesus stopped beneath the tree and invited
Himself to Zacchaeus' house. Something extraordinary happened during that
encounter. Before Jesus told Zacchaeus to change his behaviour... Before He
instructed him to repay anyone... Before He gave him a list of commands...
Zacchaeus
stood up and declared, "Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to
the poor; and if I have taken any thing from any man by false accusation, I
restore him fourfold." — Luke 19:8
What
happened?
Jesus
transformed the man. The transformed man changed his behaviour.
Notice
the order. Transformation came before performance. Character changed before
conduct. The heart changed before the actions changed. This is God's pattern
throughout Scripture.
God
Is More Interested in Who We Are Becoming
One
of the greatest misconceptions in Christian living is that God's primary
concern is our outward behaviour. We often measure spiritual maturity by
visible activities.
How
often someone prays; how faithfully they attend church, how much they give or how
actively they serve. These things are important, but Scripture consistently
points us to something deeper.
God
is not merely interested in changing our actions; He is committed to
transforming our hearts. His purpose is not simply that we do the right things.
His purpose is that we become the right people.
Paul
tells us that God predestined believers to be "...conformed to the
image of his Son..." — Romans 8:29
That
is God's ultimate goal; He is making us increasingly like Jesus Christ and marriage
is part of that journey.
It
is not merely a relationship to enjoy, it is one of God's classrooms for
Christlike transformation.
Transformation
Begins on the Inside
How
does God accomplish this work? Paul gives the answer in Romans 12:2.
"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye
transformed by the renewing of your mind."
Notice
where transformation begins. Not with behaviour but with the mind. Our thoughts
shape our emotions; our emotions influence our attitudes; our attitudes affect
our actions; our repeated actions form our character.
If
our thinking remains unchanged, our behaviour may improve for a while, but
lasting transformation will remain elusive. As God's Word renews our minds, our
emotional responses gradually begin to change. Fear gives way to faith; bitterness
gives way to forgiveness; pride gives way to humility and anxiety gives way to
trust.
Transformation always begins beneath the surface before it
becomes visible in everyday life.
God
Uses Life to Develop Us
James
gives us another perspective. "But let patience have her perfect
work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." — James
1:4
The
word perfect does not mean flawless, it means mature, complete, whole.
God
often uses the ordinary experiences of life to produce that maturity.
Disappointments
teach us perseverance, waiting develops patience, correction cultivates
humility and conflict reveals areas where love still needs to grow.
Even
marriage becomes one of God's workshops for developing Christlike character.
Instead
of asking, "Why is this happening to me?" we begin asking, "What
is God producing in me?"
That
single question changes the way we see life's challenges.
We
Are Continually Being Changed
Paul
gives us encouragement. "But we all... are changed into the same
image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord." — 2
Corinthians 3:18
Notice
the language, we are being changed. Emotional maturity is not an event.
It
is a lifelong journey. No believer arrives at complete maturity; every season
presents another opportunity for growth. Every relationship reveals another
area where God's grace continues His transforming work in us and the Holy
Spirit patiently shapes us day by day into the likeness of Christ.
That
should encourage every one of us. God is not looking for instant perfection,
instead He is looking for continual transformation.
Transformation
Before Performance
This
brings us to one of the great principles of Christian growth; God values transformation
before performance.
Religion
often focuses on outward performance, but the gospel begins with inward
transformation.
Performance
asks, "What am I doing?" while Transformation asks, "Who
am I becoming?"
Performance
may change behaviour for a season. Transformation changes the heart for a
lifetime. When the heart changes, behaviour naturally follows. God's order has
never changed.
Transformation
before performance.
Character
before conduct.
Wholeness
before harmony.
Reflection
God
is not simply preparing you for a better marriage. He is preparing you to
become more like Christ. As He renews your mind, strengthens your character,
and transforms your heart, every relationship including your marriage begins to
reflect His work within you.
"God's
greatest work is not changing our circumstances. It is changing us. As we
become more like Christ, we become more whole; and as we become more whole,
every relationship in our lives becomes healthier."
Next
in the Series
If
God is making us whole, another question naturally follows.
What
keeps us from becoming the people God intends us to be?
Why
do fear, painful experiences, pride, wrong thinking, and sin continue to shape
our emotional lives?
In
Part Four, we will explore the barriers to emotional maturity and
discover how God's grace overcomes each one.