Marriage is a journey of companionship, enriched by commitment and passion. Reflecting on my 35 years of marriage (we are still on the journey), I realise that my spouse and I have intentionally maintained friendship and camaraderie. This isn’t because we are ministers of the gospel but because we purposefully forged a close bond from the beginning of our relationship. Life’s ups and downs have not eroded our friendship because we have consistently nurtured it. To God alone be the glory!
I recall a particular year when we were both busy with our individual assignments. I usually got home at 1 a.m. because I was setting up the financial services department of a newly established university, while he was busy working with the Presiding Bishop of a large ministry. We hardly went to bed at the same time and didn’t get to spend much time together during the day either, but rather maximised the few moments we had for each other when we had the opportunity. However, by the end of that year, we had not drifted apart. We are still very much like that. This experience taught me the value of building a true and lasting friendship in marriage.
At the heart of a strong marriage is
often deep friendship. This is crucial for building a marriage, as the later
years will be sustained by enduring friendship, even though the early stages
may be marked by strong emotions and physical attraction. Friendship not only
keeps love strong but also contributes to the beauty and fulfilment of ageing together. It helps couples navigate both happy and challenging times, sharing
laughs and inside jokes, and dealing with the difficulties of ageing with a
deeper significance.
It is the friendship cultivated that will sustain couples when the ardour of youth has subsided.
Enduring friendships are deliberately
constructed rather than occurring by accident. They must be built carefully and
diligently, just like a house on a firm foundation, requiring persistence,
forbearance, and an openness to investing in the partnership. Couples should
take every chance to form bonds, ensuring their relationship is robust,
resilient, and fulfilling by purposefully fostering friendship at every stage
of the union.
Proverbs 17:17 speaks to
the enduring nature of true friendship: "A friend loves at all
times." In marriage, this means loving your spouse not just in moments
of joy and success but also during trials and hardships. The friendship within
your marriage should be a constant source of love and support, reflecting the
unwavering commitment you have made to each other.
Start building friendship right now! A simple act like sending a text message to check on each other during the day at work, having a snack together during a lunch break, scheduling frequent dates, going on walks, or simply listening to each other’s stories all contribute to building friendship. Intentionally prioritising quality time together is important. Pray together, study God’s word, and practice actively listening during conversations and sharing experiences creates lasting memories and strengthens your bond.
Celebrating each other's victories also helps build friendship. Early this year, I was elected honorary treasurer of the Chartered Institute of Directors, and my husband postponed a trip to attend my investiture ceremony. This made me feel both proud and delighted. As close as we are, we offer a safe space for vulnerability too, allowing each other to be relaxed and open. Unforgiveness and pride destroy friendship and should not be accommodated. Practice forgiveness when issues arise and move forward together, keeping the love that binds you in focus.
Friendship is a two-way street that
requires both partners actively creating a haven to weather any storm life
throws your way. By weaving friendship into the fabric of your marriage, you
create a fortress of love, faith, and support that will last a lifetime. This
wisdom, when applied to the unique bond of marriage, spices the marriage, and
there will be no dull moment!
As couples age, it is the everlasting
friendship - the joy and purpose that never fades, the shared laughter and
experiences, and the profound lasting love- that never goes out of style. All these enhance their lives together.
CALL TO ACTION:
·
Take stock today of what is hindering you from
building friendship freely with your spouse. Is it pride, bitterness, envy, or
unforgiveness?
·
Everyone makes mistakes. Learn to forgive freely. Let
go today, or you risk losing your marriage.
·
Make a list of activities you can do together and
intentionally make it a memorable time for each other. This can be a weekly or
monthly activity depending on your work schedule. Schedule
regular night dates or do things that bring laughter and joy together
·
Identify shared interests
and hobbies to explore together.
·
Make time for regular
communication and connection.