Communication can be defined as the art of conveying a
message, information, or feeling to someone else. The key is the word
"across": until you successfully pass your message or thoughts to
another person, in this case, your spouse, you haven't communicated
effectively. The goal is to ensure your message is received clearly and
completely, without assumptions, as misunderstandings can be disastrous.
Two essential words related to communication are
"communion" and "commune":
- Communion:
Sharing thoughts and feelings.
- Commune:
Speaking together as close friends.
When a couple experiences communion and communes regularly,
their relationship is strengthened. Communication, therefore, involves a
two-way process of speaking and listening, both of which are vital for
effective interaction. When done properly, communication is the mortar that
holds the family together.
Communication can be both verbal and non-verbal:
- Verbal
communication: Using words to convey messages.
- Non-verbal
communication: Using actions to express feelings and thoughts.
Both forms are crucial for a close relationship like
marriage.
The Impact of Words on Marriage
Words can build or break a marriage. Couples should use
loving and respectful words to create a lasting relationship. As Ephesians
4:29 says, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,
but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto
the hearers."
A wise man once said, “Words are the most powerful things
on earth.” Similarly, a Yoruba adage asserts, “Words are like eggs; once
dropped, they cannot be regathered,” meaning that what you say cannot be
reversed. The Bible also warns in Job 6:25, “How forcible are right
words! but what doth your arguing reprove?”
Words reflect the thoughts in the heart. Matthew 12:34
says, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” It’s
important to monitor your thoughts about your spouse because unguarded moments
can lead to regrettable words. Proverbs 15:1 advises, “A soft answer
turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” David understood
this and prayed in Psalm 141:3, “Set a watch, O LORD, before my
mouth; keep the door of my lips.”
The Importance of Actions
Both verbal and non-verbal communication are equally
important. 1 Samuel 2:3 states, “The LORD is a God of knowledge, and
by him actions are weighed.” Often, your actions reveal the true state of
your heart. Your spouse may not see your heart, but they can see your actions,
which tell the true story of your feelings.
Effective communication is the lifeline of a solid
relationship and the foundation upon which trust, understanding, and love are
built. Without it, marital relationships can lead to frustration for both
parties. Therefore, communication should not be taken for granted but
intentionally worked on.
Communication is not just talking; it involves listening
and understanding. It is possible to speak without truly communicating.
Therefore, communicate with wisdom, compassion, and clarity. Remember, “The
heart of the righteous ponders how to answer” (Proverbs 15:28).
Real-Life Example
During the courtship of a dear couple in the Lord, they
experienced frustration because one partner would get angry without expressing
the cause. The other, being calm and understanding, was usually confused since
nothing wrong was communicated. One day, the partner who usually got angry
prayed for help in communicating her feelings. Over time, she learned to
express her emotions effectively, which helped her fiancé understand her
better. Today, they communicate about everything, even the minutest details.
Now married and enjoying effective communication, they are best friends!
The Journey to Effective Communication
The journey to effective communication in marriage is
gradual but rewarding. It involves seeking to understand and be understood, building
strong foundations for lasting connections.
Call to Action: Take
the Communication Challenge
- Ask
clarifying questions to ensure understanding.
- Speak
truth with love and kindness.