Marriage
is a God-ordained covenant, divinely appointed and not to be taken lightly. It
is to be treated with utmost care, honour, and intentionality.
However,
carelessness is one of the silent killers of godly marriages. It creeps in
subtly and can be disguised as busyness, emotional withdrawal, selfish
ambition, or unchecked offenses. All these can erode intimacy and connection.
Esau’s
story is a sobering reminder of how something precious can be lost forever
through a moment of carelessness. He exchanged his birthright, that is his
divine inheritance for a fleeting satisfaction. By not valuing what was
entrusted to him, he was called a “profane person,” someone who handled the
sacred without reverence.
He
gave up what was most precious for what was most convenient. In one moment of
emotional hunger, he traded destiny for gratification. And when he came to
himself, it was too late.
In
marriage, many couples unknowingly repeat Esau’s mistake. The union of marriage
is not merely a contract but a God-ordained covenant, and when handled
without intentionality, it begins to erode. Some marriages are not suffering
from spiritual or external attacks but from simple neglect and indifference.
A
couple that no longer prays together, that stops dreaming together, stops
growing together and eventually starts growing apart.
Carelessness
in marriage is spiritual profanity, treating holy things with common hands. Let
us not be like Esau, crying over what we lost simply because we didn't pay
attention.
Carelessness
in marriage often shows as follows:
- Prioritizing work or
personal goals over your spouse.
- Using unkind words that
cut instead of build.
- Taking your partner for
granted emotionally, sexually, or spiritually.
- Failing to keep confidence
or breaking trust.
- Avoiding responsibility,
leaving one person to carry the weight of two.
If
Esau could lose something so precious over a meal, what might we lose over
unkind words, negligence, or withheld affection?
Example:
Reuben Genesis 35:22; 49:3-4, 1 Chronicles 5:1
Consider
another sobering example, Reuben, Jacob’s firstborn, a man with the
privilege of position but lacking the discipline of honour. Though he was the
first in line for the double portion of inheritance and leadership among his
brothers, one reckless decision altered his destiny. As recorded in Genesis
35:22 and later emphasized in Genesis 49:3–4, Reuben defiled his
father’s bed, an act not just of immorality, but of profound dishonor and
disregard for covenant boundaries.
The
full weight of this consequence is seen in 1 Chronicles 5:1 Now
the sons of Reuben the firstborn of Israel, (for he was the firstborn; but
forasmuch as he defiled his father's bed, his birthright was given unto the
sons of Joseph the son of Israel: and the genealogy is not to be reckoned after
the birthright.
The
scripture records that because of his transgression, Reuben’s birthright was
stripped from him and given to the sons of Joseph. Though he was biologically
first, he was spiritually disqualified. His name was no longer counted with the
rights of the firstborn in genealogy. What should have been his by birth was
lost by carelessness. “Anything you do not value, you will eventually
lose”.
In
the same way, marriage, no matter how divinely arranged, can be dismantled when
treated with dishonour. Whether through infidelity, neglect, or
the subtle poison of pride, what was meant to be a flourishing union can
begin to wither. Like Reuben, when one partner crosses boundaries without
regard for consequence, they risk forfeiting the peace, trust, and blessings
that come with a God-ordained relationship.
Let
us learn from Reuben’s fall that covenants thrive only in the atmosphere of
reverence and responsibility. Marriage is not sustained by love alone, but
by deep honour and unwavering stewardship.
How
to Guard Against Marital Carelessness
·
Invest Quality Time
A thriving marriage doesn’t happen by default, it is nurtured. Make deliberate
time for one another. Talk, laugh, dream, pray, and grow together.
·
Use Edifying Words
Words build or break. Let your speech be seasoned with grace. Don’t belittle,
nag, or destroy your spouse with harsh words. Be a source of encouragement.
·
Protect Confidentiality
What your spouse tells you in confidence should stay within your covenant
circle. Don’t be careless with sensitive information.
·
Honour the Marriage Bed
Avoid every appearance of infidelity. Sexual purity is non-negotiable, whether
single or married. Stay faithful to your spouse in body, soul, and mind.
·
Take Responsibility
Marriage is a partnership. Don’t leave your spouse to carry the burden alone
whether emotionally, financially, or spiritually. Step up and be present.
CALL
TO ACTION
“You
cannot be too careful; you can only be careless.” — Pastor
Joy Ajibade
REFLECT
Have you become careless in any aspect of your relationship or marriage? Have
you treated what is sacred as common?
REPENT
Ask the Lord for mercy where you’ve fallen short. Like Esau, don’t wait until
it’s too late to seek restoration.
RECOMMIT
Make a fresh decision today:
- To guard your marriage.
- To value your spouse.
- To build, not break.
- To be intentional, not
indifferent.
Reuben
lost his place and his birthright given to Joseph. “Anything you do not
value, you will eventually lose”
Prayer:
Lord,
help us never to take our marriage for granted. Give us the wisdom to nurture,
honor, and preserve this covenant You have ordained. Where we’ve been careless,
forgive us, and teach us how to be faithful stewards of the love and trust
You’ve entrusted to us. Amen.