Yesterday, we established that there are three shades of love, and each has different characteristics. This shall be discussed below.
- The first is the Godkind of love, which we refer to as AGAPE (Grk).
This is unconditional love. Also referred to as covenant love. The kind of love God has for us.
1 Cor. 13: 3-8 (MSG) - "If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, Doesn’t have a swelled head, Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,” Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, Doesn’t revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end. Love never dies..."
This love is a product of the recreated spirit; it is selfless and based on commitment that binds people together in covenant, in marriage. It forms the foundation for a lasting marriage because it is stable and gives strength to the marital relationship. “…Never looks back but keeps going to the end. Love never dies...” 1 Cor. 13:7&8
An example is the covenant between David and Jonathan. Jonathan was willing to give up the throne for David. 1 Sam 23:17&18, 2 Sam 1:26. This kind of love makes you put the interest of the other above your own interests. We can conclude that covenant love is sacrifice-driven and characterised by commitment, and a foundation for a lasting marriage.
- The second is Friendship love. The Greek word PHILEO is used.
Prov. 18:24 - "A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."
Every successful couple must establish a strong friendship before marriage, and this friendship should continue to grow throughout their marriage. This ongoing friendship keeps the husband continually courting his wife. As illustrated in Genesis 26:8, where Abimelech, the king of the Philistines, observed Isaac playfully interacting with his wife Rebekah, married couples should be best friends who enjoy each other's company. They should be able to discuss anything with ease and without shame.
Friendship love fosters emotional intimacy, making the couple lifelong friends. Without this, marriage can lead to frustration, with the couple remaining strangers to each other. Also, developing friendship during courtship is crucial, but it risks being undermined if the couple engages in premarital sex.
- The third is Romantic love. The Greek word is EROS
Physical intimacy is driven by sexual desires and hormones, and cannot alone sustain lasting relationships. Love is not merely about feelings. In 2 Samuel 13:4, 11, 12, 14, and 15, we read the story of Amnon, who had intense feelings for his stepsister, Tamar. His obsession was so overwhelming that a friend noticed his distress. Upon inquiring, Amnon revealed that his emotional turmoil was due to his desire for Tamar. With his friend's help, he devised a plan to lure her to his room under the pretense of illness, asking her to bring him food. When Tamar came, Amnon raped her. However, immediately after the act, his feelings turned to intense hatred, greater than his previous affection, and he drove her away.
This story illustrates that sex is not a true indicator of love. Amnon's feelings for Tamar were rooted in lust and infatuation, not genuine love. True love never prioritises sexual desire over the well-being and dignity of the other person.
CALL TO ACTION:
- Ask Yourself, do you love your spouse genuinely, or is it mere infatuation? Infatuation cannot stand the test of time.
- Take time and reflect deeply. Sex must not be mistaken for love. Love will always protect the dignity of the other person. Love does not take others for granted.
- Think about these truths and choose true love.