Both marital and pre-marital relationships often fail for various
reasons. Today, we will explore some of these reasons and propose solutions to
help avoid common pitfalls.
One key reason relationships fail is ignorance of the true essence of
love. Ignorance, in this context, refers to a lack of knowledge, understanding,
or awareness. It does not signify an inability to learn or a lack of
intelligence but rather being uninformed about certain truths, principles, or
skills.
The Bible states, "My people are destroyed for lack of
knowledge…" (Hosea 4:6). This highlights the significant consequences
of ignorance. We will now examine some of these consequences and how they
impact relationships.
Poor
Decision-Making
Without
sufficient knowledge, individuals may make uninformed decisions, leading to
undesirable or harmful outcomes. For example, when you do not know the
difference between love based on decision or love based on feelings you can end
up making a poor choice of a life partner.
Vulnerability
to Exploitation
Ignorant
individuals are more susceptible to manipulation, or exploitation because they
may not recognize deceit or understand true love.
Perpetuation
of Harmful Practices
Ignorance
can lead to the continuation of harmful cultural, social, or environmental
practices due to a lack of awareness about better alternatives.
Addressing
Ignorance
Ignorance
can be addressed by actively seeking relevant knowledge through education and
open dialogue. These foster informed decision-making, tolerance, and progress
in relationships. Knowledge serves as a powerful tool to overcome ignorance and
its effects, making continuous learning and exploration essential to fill gaps
in understanding.
While
ignorance refers to a lack of necessary knowledge, it can also stem from having
incorrect information. Misguided beliefs can lead to erroneous views on how to
handle marital relationships, resulting in unrealistic expectations, unhealthy
attitudes, and harmful practices.
For example,
love is often misunderstood as mere feelings, which misrepresents its true
nature. This misconception portrays love as self-centred rather than other-centred. Love in marriage is a profound commitment, deeper than romantic
emotions. It involves selfless giving and actively prioritising the well-being
of one’s spouse.
Love as an Obligation
in Marriage: it is not just something we feel; it is something we show through
our actions. The kind of love that sustains relationships is rooted in God’s
nature. This divine love, or the "Godkind of love," cannot be fully
understood or practised outside a relationship with God.
The Bible teaches: "No
man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and
his love is perfected in us." (1 John 4:12)
What is Love?
The God-kind of love is
beautifully described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not
parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own,
is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in
the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all
things. Love never fails…"
Other types
of love include:
- Friendship Love: Built on mutual
respect and shared experiences.
- Romantic Love: Reserved for
marriage, fostering intimacy and emotional connection.
To build a
solid foundation for love in marriage, couples should focus on developing the
Godkind of love and friendship love before marriage, while deferring romance
until marriage. By aligning love with God’s principles, relationships can
thrive and withstand challenges.
CALL TO ACTION: Overcoming Ignorance for Thriving
Relationships
Overcoming Ignorance for Thriving Relationships
Ignorance is a barrier to strong, healthy
relationships, but you have the power to overcome it by replacing ignorance and
misinformation with truth and building a solid foundation for lasting love.
- Reflect on Love: Spend time evaluating your understanding of love. Ask yourself:
- What motivates my love for my spouse?
- Is it rooted in fleeting feelings, or is it a
genuine desire to give of myself selflessly?
- Am I demonstrating the Godkind of love in my
relationship?
- Seek Knowledge: Commit to learning about love and relationships from reliable
sources. Study Scripture, such as 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and 1 John 4:12, to
understand the depth of God’s love. Attend workshops, read books, or seek
godly counsel to enhance your knowledge.
- Challenge Misconceptions: Replace erroneous beliefs about love,
such as the idea that love is purely emotional. Embrace the truth that
love is an obligation involving commitment, action, and sacrifice.
- Embrace God’s Love: Remember, perfect love casts out fear
(1 John 4:18). If fear keeps you from fully giving yourself in love, you
are not yet operating in the Godkind of love. Invite God into your
relationship, allowing His perfect love to drive out fear and transform
how you love.
- Cultivate the Right Love: Before marriage, prioritise developing
the Godkind of love and deep friendship. Reserve romantic love for its proper
place—within marriage.
- Act Today: Begin by reflecting on your motivations and behaviours in love.
Meditate on Scriptures that define true love and make intentional efforts
to align your actions with the principles of selflessness and giving.
Ignorance isn’t permanent; it’s a gap that can be closed through
intentional effort, reflection, and faith. Take the first step today to embrace
knowledge, conquer fear, and build thriving relationships!