Compatibility
encompasses several key aspects of a marriage relationship.
Spiritual compatibility – when couples individually and collectively work
on their spirituality, it helps to create a peaceful environment where the fear
of God is the platform for relating with each other. Proverbs 1:7
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise
wisdom and instruction.
Proverbs 8:13 The fear of the Lord is to hate evil:
pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.
Emotional compatibility – This refers to the ability of both partners to
emotionally connect, empathise with each other’s feelings, and communicate
their emotions openly. It involves mutual respect, emotional support, and the
capacity to navigate challenges together without conflict. For instance, when
my daughter-in-law needed to secure her Optional Practical Training (OPT) work
authorisation within 60 days, she and my son prayed and fasted together. They
supported each other, trusted in God, and believed in His intervention. Their
combined efforts and faith resulted in her receiving the papers before the
deadline. This is a clear example of providing emotional support to one
another. Although they were in different states and not yet married at the
time, their actions were unknowingly laying a solid foundation for their future
marriage.
Intellectual Compatibility – This involves both parties in a marriage striving to
become more enlightened. A few years ago, I was accepted into a business school
in the UK for an MBA program. This experience stretched me both spiritually and
mentally. Having been out of school for over 20 years while working and serving
as a full-time minister, I sought this opportunity to enhance my calling. It
was a rewarding experience that I thoroughly enjoyed. Following that, I decided
to pursue a second master’s degree in business management. I encouraged my
husband to enroll in an MBA program in Leadership, a course that I believed
would significantly enhance his leadership skills as a minister of the gospel.
He agreed, and working together during my second master’s program was
refreshing for both of us. In a marriage, both partners should continually
focus on personal development, as no one should remain stagnant.
Sexual Compatibility – When couples align their sexual desires and
preferences, they are more likely to experience intimacy as a positive aspect
of their relationship. Remember, sexual compatibility is something you build,
not something you simply have. The term "relationship" combines
"relate" and "ship," indicating that you are jointly
constructing your shared journey.
Sex
is exclusively intended for husband and wife, as outlined in Genesis 2:25.
It is not sinful when practised within the context of marriage, as it is a gift
from God and thus good (James 1:17). Outside of God’s design, sex can
become perverted, as seen in fornication and adultery.
Drs.
Les & Leslie Parrott, renowned marriage counsellors, emphasise that “One
of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to constantly work
to cultivate deeper passion, intimacy, and connection with your partner.”
Thus, in marriage, sex should primarily be an expression of love rather than
just a response to sexual drive. Let genuine love guide your actions, and you
will find it difficult to fail. Focusing on yourself may lead to
dissatisfaction, whereas focusing on your partner will foster growth. Marriage
is about the other person, not just yourself.
Therefore,
sex should be a consensual and loving act, not something forced upon your
spouse. Like other biological drives such as hunger and sleep, the sexual drive
also requires self-control. In marriage, sex should be an expression of love,
and intimacy must be intentionally nurtured through effective communication.
Financial Compatibility – Couples who prioritise stewardship and share a
common understanding of managing money will find peace in their financial
matters. At the start of our marriage, my spouse and I had in-depth discussions
about finances. We both believed in trusting God for supernatural provision
while applying sound money management principles. We attended a three-day
Financial Prosperity seminar led by Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor at the National
Stadium in Lagos, with Dr John Avanzini, an American evangelist and author, as
the guest minister.
We
fully engaged in the teachings, attending sessions both day and night. Instead
of going home during lunch breaks, we stayed to discuss the morning sessions
and continued our discussions at night. This immersion helped us understand
God’s principles for financial prosperity. On the final day, we walked home,
discussing what we had learned and noting necessary adjustments. Specifically,
we learned the importance of tithing with the right attitude, not just as a
routine but with intentional prayer and gratitude. This practice has continued
for 35 years, aligning with Malachi 3:10 -12, and we’ve seen the
benefits of it.
We
also learned the value of generosity. We began monthly food distributions to
our parents, our pastor, and the needy in our church, which became a lifelong
commitment. Today, our foundation supports various benevolent activities,
including feeding the hungry, medical outreach, providing clothing, and
visiting prisons. Recently, we have provided prenatal care for pregnant inmates
and assisted with their childbirth.
We
take stewardship seriously by maintaining financial records and building
reserves. School fees were consistently paid from these reserves, and we’ve
managed our finances diligently, with one of us overseeing accounts and
preparing annual financial statements.
In
2023, we advanced our stewardship by building church sanctuaries, using
principles we’ve learned and applied over the years, including planning,
prudence, and faith. Inspired by 1 Chronicles 29:3, we observed that
King David prepared extensively for the temple’s construction even though he
did not live to see it completed.
Together,
embracing and practising these principles has helped us build a solid financial
legacy that we are now passing on to our children.
Call to Action:
- Start a Financial Conversation: Sit down with your partner to discuss your
financial goals, values, and management strategies. Align on a plan that
reflects both your shared and individual aspirations.
- Educate Together: Choose a financial seminar, book, or online
course to learn more about managing money effectively. Engage in this
learning experience together.
- Implement Stewardship Practices: Begin tracking your expenses and income,
creating a budget, and setting up savings goals. Make sure to involve both
partners in this process.
- Establish Generosity Goals: Decide on ways to give back to your community
or support charitable causes. Plan regular contributions or volunteer
together.
- Review and Adjust: Regularly review your financial plan and
progress with your partner. Adjust as needed to stay on track with your
goals.
- Record Keeping: Set up a system for maintaining financial
records and preparing annual accounts. Ensure both partners are involved
in managing and reviewing these records.
By
taking these steps, you will build a foundation of financial compatibility that
fosters trust, peace, and shared success in your marriage.