Yesterday,
we discussed that compatibility in marriage can be developed, starting with the
right mindset. We also noted that compatibility should not be taken for granted
or assumed; it must be intentionally cultivated by the couple. This means we
can nurture a mindset that fosters compatibility and brings harmony to our
marital relationship. Today, we will explore mindsets needed and how to
cultivate it.
Mindsets Necessary to Build
Compatibility: Proverbs 23:7
Marriage
is meant to be a relationship of giving, so couples should avoid entering
marriage with the expectation of solely having their needs met, as this can
lead to unrealistic expectations. Genesis 2:24 states, "... and
they shall be one flesh," meaning that two individuals come together
to form a single, united entity. This implies that a well-rounded and secure
person joins with another well-rounded and secure person to create a harmonious
marriage where both partners continuously give to each other.
Secondly,
no marriage is perfect; each one is unique due to the individuality of the
partners. Therefore, it is essential for both partners to actively work on
their marriage for the benefit of both. Peace in marriage is not automatic; it
must be actively cultivated. When facing differences, it is wise to put issues
into perspective. "Don’t make permanent decisions in temporary
situations." Focus first on the success of the marriage rather than on
individual success.
James 4:1 (NLT) asks, "What is causing the quarrels and fights
among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?"
Another translation, the NIV, puts it as, "What causes fights and
quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within
you?"
This
shows that prioritising personal desires over the well-being of the
relationship can lead to conflict, which is unhealthy. The right mindset for
compatibility involves placing the good of the relationship above individual
interests.
Thirdly,
develop a mindset that actively fosters a positive and supportive relationship
environment by focusing on your partner’s strengths and the positive aspects of
your relationship, rather than dwelling on their weaknesses. This requires
being intentional with your thoughts and actions towards your partner, rather
than reacting based on momentary feelings.
Fourthly,
focus on improving communication. Effective communication is essential for
compatibility in marriage. When couples openly and honestly share their
thoughts, desires, and concerns, they often achieve better understanding and
enhanced problem-solving abilities.
Additionally,
embrace a mindset that values continuous commitment to your personal growth and
the improvement of your relationship, even during challenging times. This will
enable you to actively understand and appreciate your partner’s perspective and
needs. In essence, being sensitive to your partner’s feelings will
significantly contribute to building compatibility.
Finally,
work on aligning with roles and responsibilities. Couples who embrace their
responsibilities and follow divine guidance often enjoy a balanced and
harmonious partnership.
Compatibility is a matter of
choice.
A
couple must consciously and intentionally create compatibility in their
marriage, and this responsibility rests with both partners. Building a loving
and harmonious environment requires deliberate effort, not mere wishful
thinking, and it begins with making a choice. As the saying goes, “You make your choices, and
then your choices make you!” This principle is echoed in Deuteronomy 30:19,
which advises, “Choose life, so that you and your descendants may live.”
How to cultivate the right mindset
Someone once said, “Your
personality types and temperaments don’t determine everything; it’s how you
relate to each other that matters most.”
The
real question is, are you consciously adopting the right mindset to build the
meaningful life you both desire? This is why you need to work together to
cultivate the right mindset. Cultivating the right mindset as a couple involves
several intentional practices:
Here
are some practical steps to help build the right mindset for compatibility in a
marriage:
- Decide to be
open to the necessary changes required for compatibility as you engage in
activities that enhance your knowledge and skills, such as reading books,
attending workshops, or taking courses.
- Set aside weekly
meeting time to study together. Make these topical studies in the areas of
concerns or where you need to work on your mindsets together. Each person
must have studied the subject matter before the meeting time.
- Pray and commit
your discussions to God asking for the illumination of the Holy Spirit. Be
relaxed and switch off the television, telephones and any form of
distraction for maximum concentration.
- Actively listen
to your partner without interrupting or formulating your response while
they’re speaking. Make note of areas that need clarification. Be open and
honest about your needs, desires, and expectations.
- Intentionally
discuss and align your long-term goals and values. Talk about your future
together and establish common goals for your relationship, finances,
family, and personal growth.
- Engage in
spiritual practices together, such as creating specific time to give God
thanks and appreciate Him periodically as a family, prayer, meditation,
and attending church services together.
- Be actively
involved in your local assembly as a family by joining a service group in
the church.
By
integrating these practices into your daily life, you can cultivate a mindset
that fosters compatibility, mutual respect, and a harmonious relationship.
CALL TO ACTION
- Commit to Open Communication: Start today by setting aside time for a
meaningful conversation with your partner. Share your thoughts and listen
actively.
- Align Your Goals: Spend time discussing and aligning your
long-term goals and values as a couple. Create a shared vision for your
future together.
- Invest in Personal Growth: Choose a book, course, or workshop to enhance
your knowledge and skills. Consider doing it together for shared growth.