This
passage emphasises the importance of humility, gentleness, patience, and love
in maintaining unity and harmony in marriage, which helps in overcoming
potential obstacles to compatibility. Several factors can hinder compatibility
in marriage; the following are some that we shall consider:
1. Different
Values and Goals: Divergent values, beliefs,
and life goals can create friction if not addressed and reconciled.
2. Unrealistic
Expectations: Entering marriage with unrealistic
expectations about compatibility or the roles within the relationship can cause
dissatisfaction and conflict.
3.
Lack of truthfulness: Trust is
the foundational building block of relationships, especially marriages. Violation
of your spouse’s trust hinders the flow of compatibility and a fruitful
relationship.
· If you are not yet married, learn to be
transparent in your relationship. Be open about your commitment to the
relationship.
4. Not
managing differences well: The main thing about
mismanaging differences and conflict is focusing on the person rather than the
problem. Attacking the individual instead of the issue. Wanting to fix the
person instead of the problem.
· In marriage, we are meant to think
together, not alike. If properly handled, however,
conflicts can lead to greater understanding, better compatibility, as well as a better relationship.
· Stick to the subject at hand. Avoid bringing up
past issues and arguments.
· Speak without anger and be respectful and affirming
(non-threatening).
5. Unresolved
Conflict: Frequent arguments or unresolved issues can
create a rift between partners, leading to long-term incompatibility.
6. Lack
of Communication: Poor communication can result
in misunderstandings and unmet needs, making it difficult for partners to
connect and understand each other.
7. Emotional
Disconnect: A lack of emotional intimacy or support
can weaken the bond between partners and lead to feelings of isolation.
8. Personal
Growth Stagnation: If one or both partners are
not committed to personal growth or adapting to changes, it can create a gap in
the relationship.
9. Jealousy
and Insecurity: Excessive jealousy or insecurity can
undermine trust and create unnecessary conflict.
10. External
Stressors: External pressures, such as job stress or
family issues, can impact the relationship and hinder compatibility if not
managed effectively.
11. Lack
of Shared Interests: Limited shared interests or
activities can make it difficult to connect on a deeper level.
Addressing these hindrances involves open
communication, mutual respect, and a commitment to working together to overcome
challenges and build a stronger, more compatible relationship.
Creating
compatibility in marriage
Compatibility can be created in a marriage by
both parties agreeing to work together to eliminate hindrances and seeking to
grow. It will take the willingness to work at it and handle your differences
well. In short, it can be done!
The following are practical steps that can help
you:
·
Commit your relationship to God in prayer Psalm
37:5 Commit thy way unto
the Lord;
trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
·
Change your view of your relationship. Have a
broader view of your relationship with your spouse/ partner.
·
Leverage Your Differences: Instead of seeing
your differences as obstacles, view them as opportunities to create synergy and
complementary living. Emphasise the big picture and shared goals, which will
help prevent your focus from magnifying your differences.
·
Seek Peace and Understanding: Strive to
understand your spouse, especially in areas where you differ. Gaining this
understanding will help you avoid repeating the same mistakes. It’s essential
to truly comprehend who you are married to and approach your relationship with
empathy and insight.
·
Compromise: Engage in mutually agreeable
compromises that involve give and take. However, do not compromise on moral
principles or core values. Compatibility, including in areas like sexual
issues, can be achieved through loving compromise and acquiescence. Love will
inspire you to seek and reach agreements that benefit both partners.
·
Address Selfishness: Compatibility and harmony
in marriage are impossible when individuals are self-centered. Regardless of
common interests, selfishness often creates conflicts. As the saying goes, "Some
people create their own storms and then get upset when it rains."
Selfishness is frequently the root cause of issues in relationships. Make a
deliberate effort to avoid self-serving behaviours and focus on mutual
understanding and support. 1 Corinthians 13:5 Love does not
seek her own interest but the interest of others.
·
Be realistic: Unrealistic expectations
concerning your spouse will lead to unmet/ unfulfilled expectations, which in
turn lead to frustration and anger because your spouse is not doing what you
think they ought to be doing.
·
Acceptance: One of the biggest sources of
frustration in marriage is the attempt to change one's spouse, which often
leads to tension. We lack the power to change others—this is a role for the
Holy Spirit. Embracing and accepting our spouse as they are is a crucial key to
marital happiness. As Ecclesiastes 7:13 says, "Consider the work
of God: for who can make that straight, which He hath made crooked?"
·
Be committed to
God and building His kingdom. When you are committed to God, He will be
committed to you. James 4: 8 “Draw nigh to God, and
he will draw nigh to you…” Having kingdom dreams and
pursuing the dreams together fosters togetherness.
In marriage, compatibility is something you
actively create, and it is the responsibility of both partners. Responsibility
involves taking the initiative to learn and apply the right principles that
will shape your future through your choices and actions.
Compatibility does not occur automatically. The
belief that constant conflict or differing interests mean you’re incompatible is
a misconception. Frequent arguments do not necessarily indicate you’ve married
the wrong person; they simply signal that the relationship requires focused
effort to foster harmony.
Instead of considering whether you need a new
spouse, shift your focus to both partners embracing the responsibility to work
on the marriage. Winning arguments is less important than finding agreement. In
marriage, it’s often more beneficial to seek harmony than to be right. This is
an intentional process that requires commitment from both of you.
CALL TO ACTION
· Embrace Humility and Patience: Actively
practice humility and patience in your interactions with your spouse. Remember
that understanding and respect are crucial for overcoming challenges in your
marriage.
· Communicate Openly: Address issues before
they escalate. Engage in open and honest communication to ensure that you’re
both on the same page and working towards mutual understanding.
· Commit to Growth: Continuously work on
personal growth and relationship skills. Invest time in learning and applying
principles that enhance your compatibility.
· Seek Peace: Make every effort to
maintain unity and peace in your relationship. Focus on resolving conflicts
with a spirit of love and cooperation.
· Practice Forgiveness: Let go of
past grievances and avoid holding onto resentment. Forgive and move forward
with a positive mindset to foster a healthier and more compatible relationship.