Some time ago, I was speaking publicly, and I said
something I often do: "I love my husband very much, but more than that,
I genuinely like him." This distinction between liking and loving
someone often confuses many people, including believers.
To clarify, it's important to understand that it is
possible to love someone with AGAPE, the God-kind of love, while not
necessarily liking everything about them. AGAPE is the nature of God - God is
love. Therefore, we can love another human being genuinely with AGAPE love but
still find certain aspects of their behaviour or personality unlikable.
For instance, you might love your spouse or partner deeply,
yet not like certain things about them. Maybe they are always late, make hasty
decisions, or have a fashion sense you don't appreciate. Despite these
dislikes, you can still love them with AGAPE love.
Love, being the nature of God, is other-centred. It seeks
the highest and best for the other person. Emotions, on the other hand, are
fleeting and unreliable. One moment you might be angry, sad, or elated, but
true love remains constant. This is because true love is a conscious choice, a
decision to seek the highest good for someone and to add value to their life.
It is a deliberate and consistent choice, not swayed by changing emotions.
True love, therefore, does not die or expire; it stands the
test of time. It is a decision you make repeatedly, choosing the same person
over and over again, despite any dislikes you might have. You focus on
cherishing, valuing, and adding value to them.
Whether married or single, it’s crucial to understand this
truth. We are meant to love our spouses despite our feelings about certain
things they do. This doesn't mean ignoring issues; communication is key.
Discuss the things that bother you, but also learn to bear with them because
love covers a multitude of sins. Don't confuse infatuation, which is
self-seeking and temporary, with the real God-kind of love, AGAPE. Infatuation
is self-centred and fades when things don't go your way, often leading to hurt
and devaluation of the other person.
Real love, AGAPE love, is focused on the other person,
constantly adding value to them. Remember, it is a decision, and because of
that, it can remain constant!
CALL TO ACTION:
Build a relationship that is deeply rooted in genuine,
unconditional love. This can be done today by:
·
Take time to reflect on your feelings towards
your partner. Distinguish between genuine love (AGAPE) and mere infatuation.
Are you committed to seeking their highest good despite any dislikes?
·
Make a conscious, daily decision to love your
partner, focusing on adding value to their life. Choose to cherish and value
them, even when emotions fluctuate.
·
Address the things that bother you with honesty
and kindness. Open, respectful communication can help resolve issues and
strengthen your bond.
·
Practice patience and understanding with your
partner. Remember that love covers a multitude of sins and bearing with each
other’s shortcomings is essential for a strong relationship.
·
Strive to embody the nature of AGAPE love in
your relationship. Let your actions reflect God’s love, prioritising the
well-being of your partner. This is modeling God kind of love.
·
Make prayer a regular part of your
relationship. Seek God’s guidance and strength to love each other with a
steadfast, God-centered love.