Over the years, I have encountered
numerous stories of couples experiencing interference from third parties in
their marriages - such as in-laws, siblings, friends, colleagues, and both
immediate and extended family members. I've heard of situations where decisions
made by the husband and wife were subject to validation or correction by
external people. This is entirely out of order. As the Bible says in Matthew
19:6, "Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart
what God has joined together."
Once you get married, it’s important
to recognise that your loyalty shifts. Under God, your primary loyalty becomes
to your spouse - whether to your husband or your wife. Even before you’re
married, you should begin to understand and embrace this shift in loyalty,
preparing yourself for the change that marriage will bring.
It’s crucial to understand that the
core principle of marriage is oneness. As a couple, you’re meant to function as
a unified team, facing life’s challenges and handling issues together. This
unity does not diminish your individuality; you remain your own person with
your own life. However, for significant matters concerning your future,
wellbeing, and the smooth operation of your relationship, you must act as one.
When dealing with third parties, such as parents, siblings, friends, or
extended family, it’s important to present a united front. Both of you should
demonstrate that you operate as a single entity, reflecting your unity in all
interactions.
I advise my pre-marital couples that
if an issue arises involving one partner’s family members—be it a brother,
sister, uncle, or parent—and the concern is brought to your attention, you
should avoid discussing it with your own family in a way that might place blame
or show dissatisfaction. Instead, respond by saying, “We prefer this,” or “We
would appreciate this,” without framing it as a personal complaint about your
spouse. This approach maintains unity and respect while addressing the issue
constructively.
If your spouse is in the wrong or
their position is problematic, handle the issue privately between the two of
you, away from public scrutiny. Use appropriate methods to resolve the conflict
and then present a united front to the outside world.
Raise children together as a team and
address issues jointly. Avoid letting anyone interfere in your marriage or
dictate how things should be managed. Do not permit anyone to undermine the
smooth running of your home or treat your spouse unfairly. Maintain a united
front and ensure that your relationship remains respected and protected from
external interference.
You need to clearly communicate to
third parties that certain boundaries must be respected and not crossed. This
is how you prefer things to be handled in your own home! As the saying goes, "United
we stand, divided we fall."
Call to Action:
Establish Clear Boundaries: Clearly
define and communicate the boundaries you want to maintain in your marriage.
Ensure that everyone understands and respects these boundaries to preserve the
unity and harmony in your marriage.
Present a United Front: Approach
challenges and external influences as a team. Resolve issues privately and come
together to present a united front to the world, reinforcing your commitment to
each other.
Protect Your Relationship: Do not allow
outside interference to dictate or disrupt the dynamics of your marriage.
Handle external pressures and influences with a firm but respectful stance,
ensuring that your home remains a place of mutual respect and understanding.