When I first got married, I put a lot
of effort into preparing a delicious meal each evening after work. Since we
didn’t have a housekeeper and were both working professionals, it was
essential. However, I was dismayed to find that my husband always asked for
more after finishing what I served him. I tended to cook just enough, often
with no leftovers, which became a source of frustration for me.
One day, as I was preparing dinner,
the Holy Spirit gently reminded me, “That portion is suitable for you, but
not for your husband.” I realised that I had been basing his portion on my
own appetite. From that moment on, I began to increase the quantity of his
meals, and the issue was resolved. Now, after three decades, I continue to
serve his meals generously, knowing that he will enjoy every bit of it.
I believe many people can relate to
this experience, as many enter marriage with preconceived notions about their
spouse and are often unprepared for the changes that occur as they grow older
together. For a marriage to experience peace and harmony, the couple must allow
space for their partner to be themselves and grow within the marriage. In other
words, they must continually be students of each other.
Being a student of your spouse means actively learning
about your spouse continuously. It involves understanding their thoughts,
feelings, and needs preferences, emotions, communication styles, and personal
growth. It requires adaptiveness, attentiveness, curiosity, and a commitment to
ongoing discovery of who your spouse is and how they are evolving as they grow.
This is not a one-time effort but an
ongoing process. People evolve over time, leading to changes in perspectives,
ideas, thoughts, and how they handle matters such as finances, parenting, and
relationships. Growth is continuous, helping us understand issues better, and
new aspects of ourselves often emerge. Additionally, the rate of growth varies
for each person. To remain united, we must understand the changes we are
experiencing both individually and as a couple. By being a student of your
spouse, you can adapt to these changes, ensuring your relationship remains
relevant and supportive. This approach also enhances flexibility in meeting
each other’s evolving needs, thereby fostering resilience in your marriage.
Continuously learning about your
spouse demonstrates respect and appreciation for their individuality. It shows
sensitivity and vigilance, as you easily recognize and value each other’s
differences and uniqueness. This approach enhances mutual respect and
admiration, strengthening the bond between you. However, it is not just the
responsibility of one person; both partners must actively participate.
Marriage is not meant to be static
but dynamic, evolving as the couple grows older. Embracing new thoughts and
ideas is vital for the growth of the marriage, with each person striving to be
a better husband or wife. By being a continuous student of your spouse, a
deeper connection is cultivated and a stronger marriage built.
The Bible teaches us to love and
respect our spouses [Ephesians 5:25-33, 1 Peter 3:7]. And in being a lifelong
student of your spouse, you demonstrate love, patience, kindness, and
compassion, reflecting God's glory and character in your marriage.
The story of Abigail in 1 Samuel 25
highlights the importance of understanding your spouse's disposition. Abigail,
a wise and discerning woman, was married to Nabal, a harsh and unreasonable
man. When David, a young leader and warrior, requested provisions from Nabal as
a token of gratitude for protecting his cattle and men, Nabal rudely refused,
despite the custom of showing hospitality.
This refusal could have led to
disaster for Nabal's family, but Abigail intervened. Understanding the gravity
of the situation, she quickly provided David and his men with the necessary
provisions. Her kindness, wisdom, and discernment averted a crisis.
Abigail’s ability to navigate the
situation effectively underscores the importance of knowing your spouse. Being
a student of your spouse helps you compensate for their flaws and complement
them, ultimately fostering a more harmonious relationship.
In essence, being a student of your
spouse enriches the relationship by fostering a deeper connection and mutual
growth. It ensures that both partners feel understood, valued, and supported,
creating a fulfilling and enduring marriage. This practice is crucial for a
strong, healthy, and fulfilling relationship, requiring effort, love, patience,
commitment, and understanding. The result is a deeper connection and a stronger
bond.
Be a continuous student of your
spouse!
CALL
TO ACTION:
·
Act today to strengthen your
marriage.
·
Commit to being a continuous
student of your spouse.
· Invest time and effort to
understand their evolving needs, thoughts, and feelings. Ask
open-ended questions, it will help you to understand your spouse’s thoughts and
feelings.
· Create time for a meaningful conversation.
· Show love, patience, and
respect, and be open to mutual growth. By doing so, you will foster a deeper
connection, build a stronger bond, and create a fulfilling and enduring
marriage.
·
Be proactive. Be
intentional. Be a continuous student of your spouse!